Paparazzi: Belarus Style!
by A.Mi.E.'s Sonata
Summary: Poor Russia won't be able to escape Belarus this time! Especially when she's got a smash-hit scheme up her sleeve and the world as her stage! Set to Lady Gaga's 'Paparazzi'.


*shot*

* * *

><p>Russia smiled innocently in his seat as he surveyed the other nations [pretend to] listen to Britain speak. It was surprisingly quiet this meeting; already an hour in and they still hadn't degraded into complete chaos.<p>

Of course, America being AWOL could explain that. Damn boy didn't know how to keep his mouth shut. But Russia didn't fail to notice that the Baltics and his two sisters were missing as well. That made six absent nations. Seven, if you include Prussia. It was strange. Very strange indeed.

Not that Russia minded. He was entertaining himself imagining the infinite ways to make those silly little nations scream in terror, begging for mercy, that beautiful red painted everywhere as he-

**_"GOOOOOOOD MORNING!"_**

Russia's silent musings were interrupted by the obnoxious greeting. A chorus of confused mutters and curious looks now filled the room. The meeting hall's door opened with a crash, a grinning America standing in its entrance with a video camera in one hand and a boom box on his shoulder.

Let the chaos begin.

"Alfred, what the bloody hell?" Britain yelled.

"AHAHAHAHA!" America easily jumped over the smaller blond trying to tackle him from the podium.

Germany pinched the bridge of his nose, "America, just what is the meaning of this?"

America laughed again. "You're all in for a real treat!" his grin grew wider, if that's even possible. "It's a little something I've been working on. With some help, of course." He plopped the boom box on top of Britain's materials and readied the camera. Pointing randomly over the crowd, he yelled, "LIGHTS!"

The room became pitch black.

"Ve~~! Germany, I'm scared~~! SAVE MEEE~~~!" Italy screamed.

"Dammit America, turn these lights back on!"

Russia remained in his seat, perfectly content to listen to the pandemonium taking place in the dark. He tilted his head. Even in all the confusion, he could almost swear he heard America say, "This is for you, commie."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaand… MUSIC!" _Click._

Loud American pop music started playing, a bizarre mix of sultry beats and electronic sounds.

Maybe he was imagining things…?

"Hey, who is that, aru?"

Everyone's attention turned to the entryway America had come through. In his place was the mysterious silhouette of a woman. She stood against the bright light and fog streaming in from outside. Her hair billowed around her when she struck a pose.

Russia's sixth sense began tingling. The sixth sense that told him a certain sister of his was near.

'_Oh, no, please don't let it be her…'_ he whimpered. _'Please not her!' _

**"_Brother, watch out,  
>I'm c-coming out.<br>Got my flash on, it's true  
>Need that picture of you<br>It's so magical  
>We'd be so fantastic, oh"<em>**

His fears became reality when his oh-so-lovely sister Belarus stepped out from the shadows and into the spotlight.

*cue massive nosebleeds everywhere*

The usually abysmal female was wearing naught but a sleeveless, [**very**] mini-version of her normal dress, complete with knee-high boots and fishnet stockings. In layman's terms, she was fucking sexy.

The male nations who either have a death wish or are insanely brave whooped and whistled at the scantily clad female. It was now France's clothes that were AWOL (what else did you expect?).

The smarter nations were still trying to decide whether to enjoy the show or fall into a state of shock.

Russia, for one, was literally paralyzed with fear.

_**Lead pipe and scarf  
>Blood stain on your coat<br>Don't care what that means  
>'Cause this photo of us<br>It don't have a price  
>Ready for those wedding rites"<strong>_

_**'Cause you know that baby I-**_

The room burst into colorful lights as Belarus began dancing.

_**I'm your biggest fan  
>I'll follow you until you marry me<br>Papa-Paparazzi  
>Baby, there's no other relative<br>I'll marry, I'll be your-  
>Papa-Paparazzi<strong>_

_**Promise I'll be kind  
>But I won't stop until brother is mine<br>Baby, you'll be famous  
>Chase you down until we're married<br>Papa-Paparazzi**_

She pointed to Russia and a spotlight shone down on him. He was actually beginning to enjoy this!

…

BWAHAHA psyche!

Poor Russia was shaking violently and was about to cry.

_**I am the girl outside your window  
>Watching your every move<br>Yeah, and darling, now I know your two weak spots:  
>Sunflowers and vodka shots<strong>_

_**The church is ready  
><strong>__**It is useless to flee  
>The world's our witness<br>**__**Donning my wedding dress as this song plays on  
>Loving you is sharlotka<strong>_

Belarus had reached the other end of the room where she stopped. The background vocals continued without her as she raised her arms above her and stood completely still. It was kinda odd until something large began lowering onto her from God-knows-where. It was going on top of her head, kinda poofy-

"**OMG**, that's, like, the **cutest **wedding dress evarr!"

More cheering and laughter erupted all around. Russia hyperventilated in his seat, but he caught sight of Prussia doubled over in laughter next to a suspicious looking lever.

A trembling Ukraine came up behind Belarus and zipped up the dress. She gingerly placed a long veil on her head before fleeing the spotlight.

Belarus picked up the vocals again and walked towards her brother, a creepy grin growing on her face.

'_Oh, God no, don't let her get near me!' _Russia let out a primal scream. Initial horror done, he needed to run. Now.

_'Why can I not leave?' _he panicked. He twisted in his seat before looking down… and found he was tied to his chair.

Before that fact fully registered, the room suddenly flooded with light, effectively blinding everyone. Oh, how surprised they all were once their sight returned.

The once orderly meeting hall was now glittering with falling confetti, decorated windows, flowered walls, tables pushed aside, chairs rearranged into neat aisles… and a red velvet runway leading up to a flowered trellis and terrified minister.

... On the bright side, at least our missing nations were found! Estonia, Lithuania, and Ukraine were running around putting the finishing touches on the décor and Latvia was struggling with a cage of doves.

Germany was the only sane man left to ask, "When the hell did they set this all up?"

Belarus now stood before her brother. The poor man was shaking as bad as Latvia on a normal day.

"N-Nik-ki-t-ta, p-please do n-not-t b-be d-d-doing this…" Russia pleaded futilely. But the plea fell on deaf ears as she walked up behind him and made his hellish nightmare even worse.

She began pushing him down the runway.

_**Church bells, we walk past the many rows  
>Snap-snap, the necks of those who dare oppose <strong>_– Belarus glared at the others_**  
>Don't stop, for anyone<br>We will finally Become One!**_

Russia wept.

_**I'm your biggest fan  
>I'll follow you until you marry me<br>Papa-Paparazzi  
>Baby, there's no other relative<br>I'll marry, I'll be your-  
>Papa-Paparazzi<strong>_

_**Promise I'll be kind  
>But I won't stop until brother is mine<br>Baby, you'll be famous  
>Chase you down until we're married<br>Papa-Paparazzi**_

Belarus finished the song to the uproarious cheering of the nations. She blinked at the sight of the crowd around her, as if noticing them for the first time. A death glare had them silenced.

"Sit. Down."

They did as told.

Now she zeroed in on Russia. "Shall we become one now, brother?" Her eyes were all sparkly.

The traumatized Ivan was helpless as the minister began the ceremony.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today-"

_'NYET! This cannot be happening! I do not want to marry her! __Someone save me! Nononononononono-'_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Russia sat up breathless in a cold sweat. The roar of the crowds was still ringing in his ears. His eyes darted around the room, looking for any sign of his sister, the meeting, white roses, or anything vaguely related to his impromptu hitching.

Nothing. Nothing but his dark hotel room, just as he left it.

A shaky sigh of relief escaped his lips. _'I was only but dreaming…' _

Tears of joy formed in his eyes and he let out a [rare] celebratory laugh. He picked up the vodka bottle from the dresser and drank from it, nevermind that it was probably early morning.

"It was just a dream! A silly dream! Nothing but a dream! Hahahaha-"

His door creaked open.

"_Bro- I mean, _**husband**_, are you being awake now?"_

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><p>I don't know. I really don't.<p>

The lyrics were done as a request by my cousin. The story itself I just couldn't pass up :]

It was enormously fun to write this, especially the lyrics. I hope to do another songfic thing like this again if I find the right song. If you have any suggestions, please let me know through a review!

The lyrics are (not sure of the word) song-friendly..? You can youtube the karaoke version of the song and sing with these lyrics! It's all separated and chopped in here, but the full version is available on my profile :D

Disclaimers: Paparazzi belongs to Lady Gaga and Hetalia to Himaruya

Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a review!

~ Amie S.


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